Today

You know what? Today is not really a good day...i bumped into him i feel everything. Will read more books tomorrow, might help.

Random

It is the second time i fall sick in a month time. Ok i will take my vitamin C again..and sleep more. Sometimes feel like i don't have time to do my personal thing, that's why i sleep late every night to maybe blog a bit or read a bit. (Errr supper too) Dancing can takes up a lot of time nowadays i go to studio almost 7 days a week, working at the morning and studio at night. Now that is near year end hence weekends are mostly occupied by perofrmances. I don't get to hang out with my best friends..join them for movie or dinner. I don't spend as much time at home as i used to, don't even talk about making new friends, i can't give Khar Ling a date when we can go for street photoshooting..i miss cycling..i wish i can spend more time with my colleagues..
***
This is what i have chosen though, to involve in dancing, to develop my talent. For everything that i had sacrificed i dance a lil harder. I am teaching classes now, performing regularly and learnt to enjoy music. I have my own choreography and love to know people are loving it. I should not have any complain. There is a hollow part of me craving for whatever it is out there. Do you think a person can be diagnosed with depresssion when she is still able to laugh at a joke? Shhhh...they all thought that i have recovered..i should let them be. I want to get stonned...and continue living my life and get stonned when it gets too much..and solve the problem after that. It shouldn't matter as long as i am fulfilling my role as a daughter, friend, employee, dancer..right?
***
Night.

TRY/FAIL

So you try and try and try, and you fail and fail and fail. You try again and fail again..you try more and fail more, you try, fail, try, fail, try, then you get confused... and went for ice-cream break.

Today

Just came back from training..like half an hour ago. We are having a dance camp on 22nd and 23rd of Nov so Sean discuss with us on the workshops and activities for the dance camp, and how we can perform for Hard Rock Hotel at the same time. Gotta prepare a choreography, costumes, games some effort on my PR skill and find someone to replace my class maybe.
Edited a bunch of our halloween photos..love it, this is my first try on portrait i think it went pretty well. The halloween weekend was tiring..again i stayed up late to indulge in my private time and woke up early for rehearsal and performances..it was a fun weekend but physically i have had enough. Sleeping soundly is still quite impossible..DREAMING WITH A BROKEN HEART i guess wtf. Oh please let me continue with this, WAKING UP IS THE HARDEST PART...lmao.
I feel it coming strong today, from the moment i wake up until the end of training it never go away. I...without much thinking chose to listen to Breakeven in the car and there it goes. Ahhh ruined my effort for the whole week. I check the time is late but i can't stop crying so i leave my car walk home crying. Such a shame..i open the door mum is still awake watching TV and i am still crying. Fresco welcomed me as usual i pick him up and sit for a while still wipping. Mum didn't notice. When it finally stops i open my lappie and started to blog..so there you go. My day.

Degraded

I thought about it for a while..then i went back to work. I remember for a while..then i went back to dance. I think about you...then i sing the song louder. I erm...trying even harder this week. I watch them play the game, it always the same game the same rule..i felt degraded a bit..maybe you're right.

Random

Don't have much to blog about recently. The same old feeling is driving me nuts and i leave it not dealing with it. Don't have the intellectual capability to deal with it now that i sleep so little my mind are usually messed up. Ought to be healthier..seriously. My body is giving alarming signals honestly i'm a lil freaked out. I think i am going to die young living the life i live now...crap.

So What

So sleepy
So tired
So cynical
So funny
So lonely
So vulnerable
So strong
So fucked up
So what