Confession of a coward

It's year end and i need to tell you.

Dear Aunt,

Sorry i don't have the guts to meet up with you, still. I have been missing you all this while and wishing you well. You have been very kind to me..sometimes i feel like you care about me like a mother. We have not met...for more than a year now?

I do not know what we should talk about if we met. I have always told myself i will meet you when i'm in my best condition but the fact is i have never felt ready. The guilt is holding me back from seeing you. Very often i'm wondering how you are doing and if you're still the happy mother i once know.

I respect you and i will meet you very soon. I want you to meet me when i'm a better person.

I miss you.

Dedicated for 2011

What is your compulsive behavior like?

Constantly refreshing your Facebook is one of it. Putting up the mirror checking on your fringe more than 10 times a day is. Buy every piece of clothing you can lay hands on is.

Mine?

My subconscious mind is determined to kill any optimistic thought i'll have or ever had. And i revise all heart-breaking piece of memory in my head every now and then. Whenever there's light of getting better, that teary eyes just snaps right back. That awful awful stares that pierce through my heart my conscience anything that is left of this guilty soul. See? Drama.

No more drama next year please.

Christmas

Christmas is never what i have imagined when i was little. Neither do this year round.

It is not all red and silver and cozy with people you love around. This year is a cold laptop and a dead application. I was oncall so i didn't make any plans with friends. I guess my application sorta anti Christmas as well so it decided to went down since afternoon. (一点都不顾我的感受..) Finally get to passdown at 11.30pm and spent what's left of my Christmas to have my very belated dinner. Glad mum made me a maggie mee else i would have had a dinner-less Christmas which is worse. LOL.

Start to consider i will not treat this day any special than other days in a year...less hope = more surprise.

Oh wait, i do have a very happy Christmas exchange-steamboat-dinner with friends at Christmas eve. Glad you guys are here this year..

Afternoon Nap

Mum takes nap with Fresco every afternoon if there's no customer. I am working from home today and got this. =) It just hit me several weeks ago that i must take more daily photos of my parents...well they are in their old age and there should be more photos to preserve memories that our brain would lost one day.

Note to Self

I am a girl.

Well i used to be a girl, but that fraction of my identity vanished gradually when i don't pay attention to it. Of course we all aware of our sexuality, but when you don't put effort to maintain that part of yourself, it abandons you.

I don't talk like a girl, walk like a girl, eat like a girl, smile like a girl, dress like a girl...so forth and so on.

In conclusion, i am a girl that doesn't behave like a girl. (Duh~*facepalm*)

Heroism in You

I don't need a hero to rescue me.

I seriously don't. I am well enough to take care of myself even though i might not have done a good job. If there is a pitfall i'm gonna take, yes let's do this because this is my life. My freaking life.

People bringing down the walls hoping they can rescue another Repunzel...well you have knocked on the wrong door. You would be a life savior if you approach as friend with advices and encouragement. Once you take ownership of the problem and the subject of the issue man you have crossed the line. There is never a set of rules that can solve all problems in the world, certainly not yours when you force it on me. I would very much like to go through this life experience everything it offers me, and fight my own wars.

Just want to make a statement for you heroes out there, with or without a cape.

Say Thank You

Almost the end of the year now. =) Other than feeling guilty over incomplete resolutions i had for beginning of the year, i want to check this off the list - deliver a simple thank you. (Took this picture just for you guys out there ^_^)

THANK YOU

MUM for preparing dinners all year long

BROTHER for being my brother

MELONEY for loving our family

BEST FRIENDS

(LC, YC, WL, KY, Dai Lou, Chao Lang, Kelvin, Jason..)

for all the great times(which i cherish the most) i have with you

GRACE for putting some sense to me when i need it

SEAN for the opportunity to learn

MELVIN for being the core of inspiration everytime you're here

JOEL for the hardcore foundations

VINZ for the best time in Phillipines

BYOKI for fulfilling my never-ending favors

STEVE for being there

EVA for helping the studio and us

WILLY & DORAEMON for all the funny and not so funny jokes

AMBER for working 24x7 to keep me cool

BOSS for kehpo-ing over my singlehood and being a great boss like you

HOOI MIN & WEN YEW for being a great new/good friend i have in my adult working life

KIM SOON for all year long supply of TVB series

PAUL for being the mastermind and dictionary

ELAINE & SELVI for always lending a helping hand

KUOK MING for constantly concern over my health

COLLEAGUES for making my working life a happy one

WILSON for being my friend from afar (ok not so far...just KL lol)

JEWEL for all you have inspired me

DC for everything in photography

KHAR LING & KAREN for inviting me to most of your photography sessions

MOOOK for being my best friend for years

If i do miss out anyone...you know i have you in my mind =)