Could this be it ?

I made a decision recently about my life. Something bold (some say reckless) and something big. I have just resigned from my position as an Application Developer in Intel, which has a satisfying salary and a promising future. Instead, i will take myself out of the comfort zone to pursue, if i shall figure out, my purpose for life.

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?" - Switchfoot

I am actually panicking. Quiting my job without securing anything beforehand is risky. As you all know i am not much of a saving person, so literally i'll be starting all from scratch. Luckily, i have all the support that i need. Friends are worry but tried their very best to stay positive and advice. Uncle Kean is making sure i know what i am doing and put those thoughts into actions. Thanks, *hugs*

What important now is to find a direction. My mind had set myself free, the world is suddenly full of opportunities and hope, unlimited creativity is waiting to be discovered. My soon-to-be freedom is the ticket for me to do anything that i have decided to do. I am the key to success in this mission of life, yes i believe your life is to figure out who you are and what you is your purpose on earth. Let's not waste any moment in our life and be who we want to be.

A song that inspired me and might work the same for you:

THIS IS YOUR LIFE - SWITCHFOOT

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken

Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you’ve got now

Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner

Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes Don’t close your eyes

Don’t close your eyes Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be x4

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
And you had everything to lose

Me and books

I love my books.

I love them although i might not have finish reading them.

I love holding them and smell that scent only book has.

I love pictures inside the books that gives a better vision of the words.

I love that Audrey Hepburn book that has lotsa picture of her.

I love O's Guide To Life just because is Oprah that i love.

I love my fashion magazines the mix and match the black and the yellow

My bleoved books i love you and i defintely need to get you a nice home soon.

Self-Discipline

Finally i have some hint on what is going on with me. I hope i can discover more and identify the root cause. The shortest that best describe myself lately : LAZY! What a loser. Stop being a loser.

It has been like what? 4 months plus since i work in this new position? And yet, i am still where i were 4 months ago. I suck in my production support, i do not know the difference and process of WM, WM II, WM Lite and WM 2.2, i have no idea what is ABAP...etc etc. I can tell that i am a loser in my teammates' eyes, my manager would agree that i am an useless employee. This is not how i want to potray myself to others. Loser loser loser. Tell you what i have just done. Three of my colleagues are having project implementation for the past two weeks so is only left Amit and i in our cubicles. I took this "advantage", not to focus on work, but to watch TVB series. Brilliant. Classic. This can be such a good time for me to study more and pick up, but instead, what have i done? Nothing.
Decided to think about it on my way to Kean's house after work. I started to see the pattern of my behavior.

1. Procrastination (on assignments dead line and issues)
2. Lack of initiative
3. Lack of self-discipline

I think the above can sum up my whole situation.
I need some principles and self-discipline. Rules that me myself must follow, with determination. Looking into his eyes just now i realize that i have had what i wanted in my life and it's my call to hold on to it. I love him, i love my life.
Just do it.

YOU make a change on ME

Hmmm how do i write this without feeding in to your ego? Hehe.



The days are still tough, just the difference is, the big difference is, i have you. It doesn't matter what obstacles or pressure one has, just as long as the moral support is there. A source of motivation, the reason to hang in there. I am forgetful (i'm sure you know that now *wink*), but the time that you have spent on guiding me through work and life, i will not only remember that but to practise it as well.

I love you.



The last thing i want to admit but have no choice but to do so.....you are a nice guy. =) *Hugs

You always make me smile

You cover the blanket for me

You explain stuff that i don't understand pateintly

You concern about my safety

You concern about my health

You make my hands warm



I am sure there is more of you that i can discover in the future, i would love to baby. Thanks for making a change in my life.

Trying too hard?

I love you.
They've always say you won't appreciate until you lost it. For those who had been through that know just what to do, but sometimes maybe have tried a lil' too hard. Tell me about it.

I had come clean to you about this before, but just not the whole story. I wouldn't want you to worry or...get annoyed. See? Last time i been out of relationship, i promised i will do anything to keep the next. It took me quite a while to get committed again, it's sure scary to want someone something this much. You always tell me to be myself. I just can't stop trying to please you..to smile a lil more, jokes a lil more, just be interesting a lil more. To be the one you would like, the one that you would keep. At the very same time, i feel so ashame that i am doing that. Everyime i am doing that i just stop myself from doing that. Aarrgghhh.

I'm sure the invinsible pressure is not there. But it's getting to me.

Now i'm feeling silly just to read what i just write. Ha.

8 March 08 - 晴

I would say days have been better for me lately. With a new job and new environment does help to take my mind off for a while. My mind had came to this state of peacefulness where suffocating moments no longer appear and the momentumn is back. It can be just a disguise form of numbness but i don't really care, as long as i'm fine now.
Say goodbye to the life of anti-social, i'm back people. Eager trying to make up for all the loneliness i felt these few months, i have been proactively taking chances at meeting new people as well as catching up with the old one. It felt good to be on the field again, mingling around helps to build up my shattered confident from scratch. Along the way it seems that my life has got it's purpose and goals again..such funnny emotional ride i am all alive and well now.
Am deifinitely going to make this year a life changing one, i am inspired by so many things and people. For instance, Fred is going to become a cabin crew in Singapore, who would have thought of that? I promised both to him and myself that by the time he came back, i would have done something meaningful that i am proud of. Charity will be part of the plan as my life i have taken a lot for granted, now it will be the time to learn to lay a helping hand. As for the rest, it is still too early to tell, as soon as i have a mind set on something i shall share again.
Sorry i have to tell you that the other night...my fault. Nighty night.

27 Feb 08 晚雨

Finally took my dinner and have a sit down with my lappie...damn hot today, what have happened to the world? It is a very distracting day at the office..i have done everything else other than going through my training material. *blush* In fact, i have no idea where to get started i am lost in the world of SAP, everything seems so important yet too lil' time to dig deep. Usually i'll just give up if things starting to pile up or spinning out of control....what a loser. Am considering every possible root cause...maybe i should start a time table and break everything into lil' module, maybe i should sleep earlier so that i can concentrate on office hours, or maybe i should seek medical consultation...maybe?
I don't think about you that often anymore..i think i'm getting the numb routine again, or that, i just switched off. Feeling much confident noawadays even with my chubby waist. ^_^ Although i still pretty hope that you're missing me, but what can that lead to? An affair? More secret kisses? I am disappointed in this. I wish you well and we will be friends, as always.