Finally i have some hint on what is going on with me. I hope i can discover more and identify the root cause. The shortest that best describe myself lately : LAZY! What a loser. Stop being a loser.
It has been like what? 4 months plus since i work in this new position? And yet, i am still where i were 4 months ago. I suck in my production support, i do not know the difference and process of WM, WM II, WM Lite and WM 2.2, i have no idea what is ABAP...etc etc. I can tell that i am a loser in my teammates' eyes, my manager would agree that i am an useless employee. This is not how i want to potray myself to others. Loser loser loser. Tell you what i have just done. Three of my colleagues are having project implementation for the past two weeks so is only left Amit and i in our cubicles. I took this "advantage", not to focus on work, but to watch TVB series. Brilliant. Classic. This can be such a good time for me to study more and pick up, but instead, what have i done? Nothing.
Decided to think about it on my way to Kean's house after work. I started to see the pattern of my behavior.
1. Procrastination (on assignments dead line and issues)
2. Lack of initiative
3. Lack of self-discipline
I think the above can sum up my whole situation.
I need some principles and self-discipline. Rules that me myself must follow, with determination. Looking into his eyes just now i realize that i have had what i wanted in my life and it's my call to hold on to it. I love him, i love my life.
Just do it.
