Confession of a coward

It's year end and i need to tell you.

Dear Aunt,

Sorry i don't have the guts to meet up with you, still. I have been missing you all this while and wishing you well. You have been very kind to me..sometimes i feel like you care about me like a mother. We have not met...for more than a year now?

I do not know what we should talk about if we met. I have always told myself i will meet you when i'm in my best condition but the fact is i have never felt ready. The guilt is holding me back from seeing you. Very often i'm wondering how you are doing and if you're still the happy mother i once know.

I respect you and i will meet you very soon. I want you to meet me when i'm a better person.

I miss you.

Dedicated for 2011

What is your compulsive behavior like?

Constantly refreshing your Facebook is one of it. Putting up the mirror checking on your fringe more than 10 times a day is. Buy every piece of clothing you can lay hands on is.

Mine?

My subconscious mind is determined to kill any optimistic thought i'll have or ever had. And i revise all heart-breaking piece of memory in my head every now and then. Whenever there's light of getting better, that teary eyes just snaps right back. That awful awful stares that pierce through my heart my conscience anything that is left of this guilty soul. See? Drama.

No more drama next year please.

Christmas

Christmas is never what i have imagined when i was little. Neither do this year round.

It is not all red and silver and cozy with people you love around. This year is a cold laptop and a dead application. I was oncall so i didn't make any plans with friends. I guess my application sorta anti Christmas as well so it decided to went down since afternoon. (一点都不顾我的感受..) Finally get to passdown at 11.30pm and spent what's left of my Christmas to have my very belated dinner. Glad mum made me a maggie mee else i would have had a dinner-less Christmas which is worse. LOL.

Start to consider i will not treat this day any special than other days in a year...less hope = more surprise.

Oh wait, i do have a very happy Christmas exchange-steamboat-dinner with friends at Christmas eve. Glad you guys are here this year..

Afternoon Nap

Mum takes nap with Fresco every afternoon if there's no customer. I am working from home today and got this. =) It just hit me several weeks ago that i must take more daily photos of my parents...well they are in their old age and there should be more photos to preserve memories that our brain would lost one day.

Note to Self

I am a girl.

Well i used to be a girl, but that fraction of my identity vanished gradually when i don't pay attention to it. Of course we all aware of our sexuality, but when you don't put effort to maintain that part of yourself, it abandons you.

I don't talk like a girl, walk like a girl, eat like a girl, smile like a girl, dress like a girl...so forth and so on.

In conclusion, i am a girl that doesn't behave like a girl. (Duh~*facepalm*)