Change

I am absence in my life lately because i am too occupied by my sadness. All that i can see or feel is the problem the lost the pain. When you allow yourself to be in constant grief you're stuck with it until you decide to snap out of it. The longer you indulge in sadness, the higher possibility of you victimizing yourself. By embracing the pain you thought you were put in worst case scenario and that they should make a movie out of it. The focus is shifted from fixing the problem to merely how you feel. I hypnotized myself into a victim, forgetting he was the one. I am now waking up to the fact that i have no right to dwell over the situation because i DON'T.

I am changed.
I can barely recognize myself this morning looking through the mirror. I was wearing a one-piece dress, black cardigan and a pair of heels. Oh earrings and makeup too. Pretty and empty. Well everyone figure i must have recovered cause i tilt my head back and laugh, kicking my new heels and wearing makeups. The truth is i enjoy driving alone purposelessly and i took out the Jazon Mraz concert ticket from my purse. Very slowly, on my own pace understanding and accepting the change. The change is inevitable and sudden, is important what i can make out of this situation. I have so much love for him, now i am channeling the love to my family, my friends, my dogs, my work, my dance and still have plenty left for charity. I have been told some really bad news lately i'll pray for them even though i do not believe in god. I wish i could help.

I am grateful that i have a job, a good working environment with some really nice colleagues. Now that i spend most of my time in office i am trying to be more effective and productive. Colleagues gave advices and are really helpful i really appreciate that. My manager is an interesting person blessed with a baby girl lately, although he don't admit there's this fatherly-glowing smile on his face all the time.

Guess i start to realize how much i could miss out if i keep dwelling in the past. I still miss him everyday and i think it is normal, i like him being as a friend now, still concern and we can slowly pick ourselves up. It is a bonus that we are still friends. Thank you for being so forgiving about it.

I forsee a long healing period and some bumps on the road. I know what to do when it comes cause you thought me well.