Proclaimer

There is a reason why being gloomy and sensitive always attracts people at first and irritates them later. You feel a little more than others they gasp over your delicateness but eventually when everything revolves around you and only you, you lost them.

I want to post this particular blog not to earn your sympathy, but understanding.

Somehow loneliness overshadow my busy schedule, i wonder how it find its way in. For a couple of times recently i remember and lived the past all over again. I recall vividly specific expression from you and experience the guilt, anxious, hoping and destructive rejects. I trembled how true they are to my heart, still. Well before you say anything, i didn't spend my time grieving away, in fact i'm the busiest girl in town. Dance trainings, performances, travelling, working, teaching, photographing..everything, everything that doesn't help anything afterall.

Sometimes i feel agitated when they say i am doing fine now. How do you know that? Capability to meet the minimal requirement of living and socializing has absolutely nothing to do with healing. That's just what i gotta do and i still feel what i feel, wack. At the same time, this is how i'm telling you i do not need your sympathy in any way. I have all the facts and advices laid down despite some unplanned breakdowns, erm like now. Do not take my gift of staying true to my feelings as a sign of weakness. As most of you would very much want to know how do you really feel, and god knows how profound this melancholy manifestation affects and assist in the growth of my dance and photography. I keep the depression quiet and steady within me, because i am not the only soul in this world. We don't bring others down with our problems, is the least we can do.

I would definitely want to remember you in a less painful way.