A Cup to Hell

I have way too much coffee for the past one year. I think imma die from it eventually. If that is the case (unfortunately), please do come to my funeral with a cup of Starbucks.

Sam Sparro - Black and Gold

And the stars fell out of the sky
And my tears rolled into the ocean
Now i'm looking for a reason why
You even set my world into motion

I have been listening to this song the entire day. Head over heel my dear. A lil sexay whole lot of seduction - black and gold, black and gold, black and gold. If only you could see me dance to this song..then probably you would.. *the rest of the sentence shall only repeat a thousand times in my mind*

I feel a way of something beyond them
I don't see what i can feel
If vision is the only validation
Then most of my life isn't real

Stop asking me why - it's the same as asking you to chose between the ability to fly or being invisible. The question itself is not fair.

Holding back no longer seems that difficult must be a good news (to you). No biggie i find the grass greener when you stop trying to own something. Imma chill~picked that up yesterday. But i gotta have faith LOL.
Nonsense is hereby put to a stop. Night

RANDOM

I miss ah ma and the dog...i wonder how are they doing.

Midnight Ponder

I felt kinda different
although i am still just as terrified
but with a bottom line,
i ponder the possibility
however nothing comes easily
hence i am into it but forbid myself to be into it, entirely
that's the best i can do
do your best too

Proclaimer

There is a reason why being gloomy and sensitive always attracts people at first and irritates them later. You feel a little more than others they gasp over your delicateness but eventually when everything revolves around you and only you, you lost them.

I want to post this particular blog not to earn your sympathy, but understanding.

Somehow loneliness overshadow my busy schedule, i wonder how it find its way in. For a couple of times recently i remember and lived the past all over again. I recall vividly specific expression from you and experience the guilt, anxious, hoping and destructive rejects. I trembled how true they are to my heart, still. Well before you say anything, i didn't spend my time grieving away, in fact i'm the busiest girl in town. Dance trainings, performances, travelling, working, teaching, photographing..everything, everything that doesn't help anything afterall.

Sometimes i feel agitated when they say i am doing fine now. How do you know that? Capability to meet the minimal requirement of living and socializing has absolutely nothing to do with healing. That's just what i gotta do and i still feel what i feel, wack. At the same time, this is how i'm telling you i do not need your sympathy in any way. I have all the facts and advices laid down despite some unplanned breakdowns, erm like now. Do not take my gift of staying true to my feelings as a sign of weakness. As most of you would very much want to know how do you really feel, and god knows how profound this melancholy manifestation affects and assist in the growth of my dance and photography. I keep the depression quiet and steady within me, because i am not the only soul in this world. We don't bring others down with our problems, is the least we can do.

I would definitely want to remember you in a less painful way.

Splurged

Didn't think i will write another post in such short interval, but i was reading others and my hand goes gatal lolz. I was going through the mess in my room last night hoping to locate my long-lost belt but failed...instead i found a pair of formal slacks bought years ago. So today i have finally dress my age wtf hah. Wait, that means at my early 20s i have been buying aunty clothes and now i am trying to act like teenagers! LMAO! Speaking of buying/shopping/indulging (whatever you call it), i splurged yesterday..on a dress and a top and earrrings and bracelet *shit*, with the money that should have lasted me till the end of the month..me no hope liao. Lolz.

Cam-whoring in the fitting room, hope this wakes you up *wink*

Get Things Done Week

I have a hunch that it's gonna be a good week ahead. *smile*
Despite all the stress from last few weeks' competition and perhaps some hiccups in my recovery process, i am looking forward this week. (Just realized it's already passed midnight) It's decided - it's a Get Things Done Week. By saying that i mean living healthy too. There's some stress breakouts on my face again, not liking it.
Would like to spend some times for photography again...was pulling my hair when they post all kinds of outing sessions here and there..i certainly want to be a part of it!
****
Ok just came off from a chat with Jewel and the day would be this Wednesday! Lalala i am terrified! She's gonna turn me into something/someone else and it's gonna be a boom! Lolz. Looking forward =)

Let's get a good sleep now for the sake of the rest of my week, night people