Random

I noticed a difference , pain no longer come with such intensity
I know it is still there, there's melancholy silence everywhere,
in my car in my head
i must be getting better
otherwise the numbness measurement must have gone to the roof
decided that i am just a homo sapien
i don't have to act as if i understand the hoo-ha and play along with it
i certainly won't place myself in situation where i am not comfortable with
that at least is within my control
i ain't no saint dude
what do you expect

Have yourself a merry little christmas

Christmas is around the corner ^_^
I have always love christmas, is about the merry songs, the tree decos, the story about mistletoe and the warm-buttery-cosy feelings during the festival.
I have a tiny-winy wish every year during this time..
to have a special Christmas day
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so far my wish has not been granted
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the chances seem rather slim this year
who would please
give me a Merry Little Christmas

Change

When things are out of your hand, you change
drastically or not
we all change
some update their Facebook status now when they don't in the past
some sleep less
some shifted their focus
some just don't realize that they have changed
i pray for those that are still stuck in the past
to have the wisdom to live in this moment
i pray hard for myself

Stupify

Yesterday I reached out to a friend that is not very close to me, but somehow i know she can help. She did...very sweet of her to stay up late even though she has a plane to catch tomorrow. Listening to her feels as if the words are coming from you. Yes you guys do share something in common. I know very clearly that i will not do anything to get you back, i am merely want to solve this myself. I haven't let go and it concern me and only me. Sometimes i would wonder why you never contacted me, then i remember you asking me what do i expect from you. Nope, i am not expecting this time. Decided to let things be. There's never a thing that i forced to happen get succeeded.
To be honest i still don't have a clue on how to move on. I still pray sometimes to a god that i don't believe in. I would do anything just so i won't have to remember. I pray for recovery, i pray for staying on the right course, i pray for acceptance and understanding. I pray for wisdom on this heartbreak. But then again i wake up to another dreadful morning and pick myself up to work, to life. Like hers my prayers are not answered, maybe i'm just talking to myself after all.
It is just so easy to stay occupied by a million things in life. But to really stay focus in them is the hardest part. I chose to reach out last night because i know i am weak and stuck in the middle of my messed up mind. I can foresee the cycle repeating itself, numbness is the next and i would think that i am fine again while i am clearly not....why is it harder this time? I still want to get stonned..i have talked about it a dozen times but never seems to have time for it. She is right i need someone to sit down with me...drinking could be a bonus.
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H.E.L.P

Today

You know what? Today is not really a good day...i bumped into him i feel everything. Will read more books tomorrow, might help.

Random

It is the second time i fall sick in a month time. Ok i will take my vitamin C again..and sleep more. Sometimes feel like i don't have time to do my personal thing, that's why i sleep late every night to maybe blog a bit or read a bit. (Errr supper too) Dancing can takes up a lot of time nowadays i go to studio almost 7 days a week, working at the morning and studio at night. Now that is near year end hence weekends are mostly occupied by perofrmances. I don't get to hang out with my best friends..join them for movie or dinner. I don't spend as much time at home as i used to, don't even talk about making new friends, i can't give Khar Ling a date when we can go for street photoshooting..i miss cycling..i wish i can spend more time with my colleagues..
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This is what i have chosen though, to involve in dancing, to develop my talent. For everything that i had sacrificed i dance a lil harder. I am teaching classes now, performing regularly and learnt to enjoy music. I have my own choreography and love to know people are loving it. I should not have any complain. There is a hollow part of me craving for whatever it is out there. Do you think a person can be diagnosed with depresssion when she is still able to laugh at a joke? Shhhh...they all thought that i have recovered..i should let them be. I want to get stonned...and continue living my life and get stonned when it gets too much..and solve the problem after that. It shouldn't matter as long as i am fulfilling my role as a daughter, friend, employee, dancer..right?
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Night.

TRY/FAIL

So you try and try and try, and you fail and fail and fail. You try again and fail again..you try more and fail more, you try, fail, try, fail, try, then you get confused... and went for ice-cream break.

Today

Just came back from training..like half an hour ago. We are having a dance camp on 22nd and 23rd of Nov so Sean discuss with us on the workshops and activities for the dance camp, and how we can perform for Hard Rock Hotel at the same time. Gotta prepare a choreography, costumes, games some effort on my PR skill and find someone to replace my class maybe.
Edited a bunch of our halloween photos..love it, this is my first try on portrait i think it went pretty well. The halloween weekend was tiring..again i stayed up late to indulge in my private time and woke up early for rehearsal and performances..it was a fun weekend but physically i have had enough. Sleeping soundly is still quite impossible..DREAMING WITH A BROKEN HEART i guess wtf. Oh please let me continue with this, WAKING UP IS THE HARDEST PART...lmao.
I feel it coming strong today, from the moment i wake up until the end of training it never go away. I...without much thinking chose to listen to Breakeven in the car and there it goes. Ahhh ruined my effort for the whole week. I check the time is late but i can't stop crying so i leave my car walk home crying. Such a shame..i open the door mum is still awake watching TV and i am still crying. Fresco welcomed me as usual i pick him up and sit for a while still wipping. Mum didn't notice. When it finally stops i open my lappie and started to blog..so there you go. My day.