Stupify

Yesterday I reached out to a friend that is not very close to me, but somehow i know she can help. She did...very sweet of her to stay up late even though she has a plane to catch tomorrow. Listening to her feels as if the words are coming from you. Yes you guys do share something in common. I know very clearly that i will not do anything to get you back, i am merely want to solve this myself. I haven't let go and it concern me and only me. Sometimes i would wonder why you never contacted me, then i remember you asking me what do i expect from you. Nope, i am not expecting this time. Decided to let things be. There's never a thing that i forced to happen get succeeded.
To be honest i still don't have a clue on how to move on. I still pray sometimes to a god that i don't believe in. I would do anything just so i won't have to remember. I pray for recovery, i pray for staying on the right course, i pray for acceptance and understanding. I pray for wisdom on this heartbreak. But then again i wake up to another dreadful morning and pick myself up to work, to life. Like hers my prayers are not answered, maybe i'm just talking to myself after all.
It is just so easy to stay occupied by a million things in life. But to really stay focus in them is the hardest part. I chose to reach out last night because i know i am weak and stuck in the middle of my messed up mind. I can foresee the cycle repeating itself, numbness is the next and i would think that i am fine again while i am clearly not....why is it harder this time? I still want to get stonned..i have talked about it a dozen times but never seems to have time for it. She is right i need someone to sit down with me...drinking could be a bonus.
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H.E.L.P